I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
