She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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