you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
