Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
