i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
