I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
operation harelip BJ is a go
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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