Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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