Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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