turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
third nipple confirmed
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
