At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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