did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
