Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
