i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
