when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
