Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
