i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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