Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
