it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
