The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
