Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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