Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
one two three fourrrrnication!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
