on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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