areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
