just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
