But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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