Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
