omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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