in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
