your parents love me but you hate me
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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