You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
