My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
