This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Your cock deserves a montage
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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