So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
