I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
