This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
