Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
