You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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