I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
