i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
