all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
