haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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