I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
