PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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