I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Randomize
