We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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