Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
