yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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