if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
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Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
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I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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