I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
