He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
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He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
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This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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