Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
