I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
a search helicopter?!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I need to align my fucking chakras
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