2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
