I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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