my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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