I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
