dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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