Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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