Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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