did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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