Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
do nipples grow back?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
