if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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