I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
