while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize