matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
