I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia