wat bout pragnant strippers??
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just gargled with NyQuil