finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.