im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
