My hand turned me down
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
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he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
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on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.