I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.