I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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