Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
