Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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