I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
