It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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