I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
