apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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