Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
