We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
